Celestial Condiments

Is there no more poetic addition to a meal.

Our Ancestors

A condiment originates from the words for seasoning or to pickle. Salt and cucumbers in vinegar are condiment conspirators. Basically, a condiment can mean anything added after the meal is presented. For us, condiments represent the tastier, preserved face of cuisine. More mustard than mustard leaves.

The Romans had Garum as one of theirs, a fermented fish sauce that was used to enhance the flavor of a meal. There weren’t 57 varieties, but it was a popular feature of their cooking. Modern extractions of the roman recipe make a sauce that looks a lot like Thai Fish sauce but tastes different.

The Romans, they gave us Garum but not in plastic little fast food packets.

Condiment cousins

We like to experiment with condiments, there are so many possibilities for new tastes and textures. Endless fun at the weekend. Here they are.

Wasabinnaisse

This is awesome food for the future and for now. It is amazing with fried fish, baked fish and seafood. And it gets the french fry prize. We claim all rights to the name and to the enjoyment.

Recipe

  • 4-5 tbsps of Mayonnaise
  • 1/2 tsp wasabi paste
  • 1/2 tsp lemon juice
  • pinch of salt

beat the mayonnaise with the wasabi, lemon juice and salt. Store in the fridge.

Ketchannaise

Eaten by generations of our family and a lot of the frites lover in the north of Europe. Often more as a consequence of the ketchup and the mayonnaise swirling into each other, as the frites get picked up by talented fingers. That pink, smooth sauce flavoring french fries with the acid sour sweet smooth underlay of this “marriage in Maastricht.”

This is all long before the Heinz corp decided to start bottling it with a pedestrian name. Never mind, H corp is easily forgiven. I still think Heinz is the superior Ketchup and if you are a french fry then going to drown in it is a splendid way to go.

Recipe

  • 2-3 tbsps Ketchup
  • 6 tbsps Mayonnaise
  • pinch of salt

Beat it all together with a spatula and put it in the fridge. Adjust the ratio of ketchup to mayo to your taste.

Anchobutter

This is more of a statement than a condiment, unless your meal is crusty bread or hot potatoes with lamb. If I could sell it in elegant china pots, then I would.

Recipe

  • 250 g salted butter
  • 1 tin flat anchovies [cento]
  • 1 tbsp lemon juice

bring the butter to room temperature, add the drained anchovies and the lemon juice. Mash them. beat thoroughly until smooth and homogenous in color. use a spatula to fill a small bowl. chill for 6 hours, serve with baguette.

Aioleasy

The combination of mayonnaise and Garlic is long in the tooth. What elevates it is to use home made olive oil mayonnaise and a lot of garlic. Aunt Ruby thought this was a bewitched trick, a since continental, sinful and untrustworthy. Aah, England. Three glasses of sherry and she’d be tucking in, I seem to remember.

  • 6 fat tbsps Mayonnaise
  • 1 tsp salt, a pinch of black pepper
  • 6 crushed cloves of garlic

Mix the ingredients together with a spatula, beat them against the sides of the bowl.

This is ethereal with almost everything that comes from the garden or the ocean. Try cod fillet blanched in a fish bouillon, garden potatoes. The incredible “Conichiglie Avignon,” from my Uncle’s wife Friney.

Fire in the hole ketchup

Sriracha originates in Burma and Thailand, though who was first in that fiery race is likely lost to time. Most of the red sauce we buy in stores is made in Irwindale. A dust town made of rock quarries, poor groundwater and the sauce factory. Willi Wonka it is not.

This red sauce has elevated itself into an institution. The active ingredient is Capsaicin, the fiery piece of chemistry that triggers the heat and pain. There are worshippers who vow to climb the scoville scale, while the less obsessive content themselves with it elevating a tomato tart from near earth orbit to escape velocity.

For those of a scientific bent, capsaicin is a vanilloid that binds to the TRPV1 receptor in mucous membranes, a non-selective cation channel. Capsaicin is its’ agonist. Interestingly, there is a TRPV1 antagonist – Capsazepine. Capsazepine blocks the painful sensation of heat caused by capsaicin. Interestingly, Capsaicin is fat soluble, so it makes little sense to mix it with Mayonnaise if you like the fire.

Sometimes, we like to heat ketchup when we eat patatas bravas.

Recipe

  • 5 tbsps Heinz Ketchup
  • 1/2 tsp lime juice
  • 1 1/2 tbsp Sriracha red sauce

Fire in the hole twice over.